


Mostly Legal

by iphus



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alien Planet, Aliens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 06:19:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15382545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iphus/pseuds/iphus
Summary: Zo needs intergalactic plants for a research project and the cheapest and easiest place to get them is the planet Bymatur. Unfortunately, Bymatur is sketchy and most of what goes on there isn't legal. Zo invites her boyfriend, Seb (endlessbrainchatter.tumblr.com character) and he has no idea what he's getting into.





	Mostly Legal

Today was as good a day as any to embark on the errand Zo had been putting off for weeks. The trip didn’t scare her; that’s not why she’d put it off. Visits to the port planet never went as smoothly as she would’ve liked, so she avoided the trip for as long as she could. Sighing, she slung her bag over her back and went to let Sebastian know where she was headed.

“Hey, Bazzy?” Zo called.

Seb was sitting on the couch, working on some assignment for class. The news was on in the background, too low to really hear; it emitted an inconsistent buzz of voices as news anchors delivered their reports. Seb looked up when Zo entered the room.

“Hey,” he said. When he saw her attire, he frowned. Wind protectant jump suit, cargo-type jacket, sturdy boots, a lightweight backpack. Her hair was braided tightly against her head. “Where are you headed?” he asked.

“Bymatur,” Zo said, leaning against the doorframe.

“The sketchy little port planet?” Seb asked, eyes widening.

“Yep,” Zo said.

“Why the hell would you go there?” he was incredulous.

Stories from Bymatur were entertaining, bordering on unbelievable. Tales from friends of a friend of a friend about giant space monsters, cruel and torturous aliens, black market deals, stories that spread like wildfire. They were fun stories to hear, but they sent a clear message: Don’t go to Bymatur if you know what’s good for you.

“It’s the cheapest place to get intergalactic plants,” Zo said. “Which I need for my research project.”

“Do you get them legally?” he asked.

She crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “Mostly,” she said.

“How can something be mostly legal? It’s either legal or its not,” Seb said.

“I haven’t had a problem yet,” she said.

“Just because you haven’t been caught, doesn’t mean its legal,” he said.

Zo shrugged and asked, “Do you wanna come with me?”

Seb hesitated. His mother would have a heart attack if she knew he’d even considered going to Bymatur. Stories about near death experiences on the port planet nudged him, prodded him with reason and logic, trying to talk him out of going. But, Zo had clearly gone many times before. She’d never told outlandish stories about the planet. She hadn’t even mentioned she’d been there. How bad could it be? And when would he ever have the chance to go again?

“Okay,” he said. “Let me get ready.”

* * *

 

As they coasted through the galaxy, Seb wondered if Zo had asked him to come along because he could pilot them, meaning she didn’t need to pay a fare. He imagined trips to Bymatur weren’t cheap. Nobody wanted to go there. As they neared the port planet, Seb wanted to turn back. Who was he kidding? A kid who’d grown up on earth would stick out like a sore thumb here. He’d be an easy target.

According to Zo’s direction, Seb parked in a dingy lot. Apparently, it was the best shuttle lot on the planet. Seb was unimpressed. The lot was almost empty, with only beat-up, worn shuttles in the parking spots. There was a suspiciously clean shuttle, larger than the rest. The moment Seb stepped out of the shuttle, red dust blew around him. He was glad he was protected by a mask and thick goggles.

The planet had a putrid look. Sluggish and ill. The sky was a horrid purple, a deep bruise, as abused and broken as the people who inhabited the planet. Yellow lights lit up the lot and dotted the horizon, turning the red dust underfoot a sickly orange. The smell of burning rubber and sulfur permeated through their masks. Seb gagged.

A soft growl made Seb start. Nearing them was an alien that was almost humanish, but more cat-like. The creature was thin and lean, with a spine like a cat’s, flexible. They walked on their hind legs, which were bent, holding them close to the ground. Occasionally, their front legs would hit the ground, lengthening their stride. Their face was wolfish, pulled forward into a long snout. A long tail swished behind them, sleek black like the rest of their body.

“Zo,” the creature purred. “It’s been too long. And you brought a friend.” They raised their snout and sniffed. The sniff was followed by a choked cough. The look they gave Seb was curious, hungry.

Zo handed the creature a handful of money, ignoring the greeting. “Take care of the ship, Slinky. I expect it to be fully intact when I return. Nothing taken. _Or_ added.”

“Always, always,” they purred. They counted the money, flipping through it with dexterous fingers. Monkey-like fingers. After counting, they looked up and flashed a toothy grin. “Have a nice time on Bymatur.”

“What was that?” Seb hissed when they were far out of ear shot.

Zo was weaving through back streets and alleys, where the dust was packed together from frequent use. Scrap metal and trash littered the sides of buildings. Waxy, gnarled plants grew in the shadows, giving off a perfume of rotting and death. Eyes of every color blinked from the darkness, following Seb and Zo as they walked.

“Homimau,” Zo said. “They’re from a planet that’s mostly jungle. Slinky was banished from the planet for trafficking.”

“Oh, great,” Seb said. “That makes me feel safe.”

Zo gave him a warm look. He couldn’t see underneath her mask, but she seemed to be smiling. Her eyes crinkled at the side and she reached out to hold Seb’s hand. He was glad she did. Touching her, even through gloves, made him feel more at ease. The gesture was as much for his comfort as it was for hers. She wasn’t comfortable being here, either. The sooner they were off this planet, the better.

They were on what seemed to be a main road now. The street lights were packed closer together, giving every building a yellow-ish tint. The buildings were made from metal and red stone, all covered in a layer of grime and red dust. A few had glass windows that were so caked with dust that they were no longer transparent. Aliens that Seb had never seen in any textbook or database prowled the sidewalks. There were aliens Zo hadn’t seen either. Another reason this planet made her uneasy.

The decrepit buildings housed rows of shops, all of which seemed nefarious and dangerous. One store they passed was unassuming, red stone with a red door and a rusted, dented _Cybernetic Parts_ sign that hung above the door by thick metal chains. Then, a hunched over alien shuffled out, carrying a large cooler labelled ‘biohazard’. Seb looked away quickly.

Throbbing music poured from another shop, mixed with shrieks and hollers of delight. The enormous double doors were propped open and as they passed, Seb peered inside. The place was a bar, with varying sizes of tables and chairs to accommodate the variety of aliens. A large, rounded alien with a purplish body, who’s appearance could be compared to a hippo with model legs, danced around on stage. Cheers erupted as the creature pulled up her dress, flashing her genitals. Seb’s eyes widened and again, he quickly looked away.

As he turned his gaze back to the street, he nearly collided with a human-esque alien. She was beautiful. The most beautiful thing on this planet. Her silver skin – almost scale-like, but smoother – shimmered rainbow. Her eyes were deep indigo, wide and inviting and lined with thick white lashes. She placed her hand on Seb’s shoulder, thin, delicate fingers, webbed beneath the last knuckle. With the most graceful movement Seb had ever seen, she turned to look at Zo, who was squeezing his hand.

“Are the humans looking for some company?” she asked. Her voice was like peals of bells and the soft trickling of a brook. Beneath his mask, Seb was gaping.

“No,” Zo said firmly. Seb thought her tone was colder than necessary. She pulled him after her, not looking at the alien.

“Sebastian,” Zo said with a sharpness that pierced through him. The fuzzy feeling clouding Seb’s mind dissipated, leaving him feeling somewhat nauseated. When she saw the blank look in his eyes clear, her tone softened. “Seb, in the future, don’t look at a Henoi for more than a second.”

“Henoi,” Seb repeated. He’d heard of them. They were considered the most beautiful aliens in the galaxy but every picture he’d seen was unimpressive. He understood the appeal now. The Henoi lured you in, regardless of your standards of beauty.

They turned a corner onto a wide street, just as decrepit as the last. Zo stopped short and swore under her breath, gripping Seb’s hand tighter. Seb looked at her, eyes wide with surprise, and then followed her gaze. What had appeared to be a beaten-up vehicle moved, sprouting tentacles that were such a horrid color, they put the sky to shame. Deep black and purple, with small red speckles like popped blood vessels. The armor that covered it shifted with it. A turtle-shell like armor that covered the creatures back, head, and the thickest parts of their tentacles. The rest of the body was covered in a thinner version of the armor, that expanded and shrank with each movement. Large eyes opened. Eyes with rectangular pupils, like an octopus. Milky white eyes.

Just when Seb thought it couldn’t get any worse, the bulbous head morphed, flesh pulling back to reveal a sideways beak and two crab-like claws. The beak and claws were the same milky white as the eyes, speckled with red. Zaylin University taught time and time again, don’t judge other aliens by human standards. Seb tried to remind himself of that but couldn’t find anything positive about this creature’s appearance. Grotesque, swollen, bruised.

Zo knew this beast, unfortunately. His name was a series of clicking noises that few could pronounce. Most just called him Kar-zar. She’d met him years and years ago, during her first trip to Bymatur with her father. According to her dad, he’d bested Kar-zar in a way that was gravely insulting – though he refused to tell Zo exactly what it was that he’d done. Ever since then, the alien had a personal vendetta against Zo’s dad and anyone related to him.

A low hissing noise passed through the air. Seb realized the creature was speaking. Clicks and hisses, followed by an automated translating device. The creature must have programmed the device himself, because the translator’s voice, though humanoid, was low and hissing, not like any voice that came pre-programmed.

“Zola,” he drawled. “What are you doing here?”

Zo gripped Seb’s hand tighter and stepped forward so her body blocked his. Seb felt childish cowering behind her, but he also knew that Zo could handle this situation better than he could. He didn’t even know what this creature was called but the alien clearly had a history with Zo. He breathed deeply as the alien advanced, moving like horrid, curling sludge.

“Kar-zar,” Zo said. Her voice was even and unwavering. She didn’t answer the question and instead stared steadfastly at the beast.

Kar-zar’s personality was worse than his appearance, which was really saying something. Zo certainly didn’t improve matters with her demeanor toward him. No matter how he acted, Zo never flinched. Fear never flickered across her face. Kar-zar was used to being feared and it infuriated him that this little human, a fraction of his age, not only didn’t fear him, she didn’t _respect_ him. She treated him like he was a small nuisance, a fly that could be swatted away.

Another series of clicking and hissing was followed by “What are you doing here?” repeated more sharply.

“It’s no concern of yours,” Zo said.

“As law enforcement of Bymatur, it is my business,” Kar-zar said, advancing on them. A sour smell assaulted Seb’s nostrils. If he was ever on this planet again, he was bringing a mask that didn’t let scents through.

Zo ground her teeth. She had no desire to do this dance with Kar-zar. He’d ask her questions. She’d deflect every question and demand with her knowledge of M.W.I.G.R.O. laws. He’d try to trip her up, find something she didn’t know. She’d get away at least a half hour later, maybe longer. If she didn’t have Seb with her, maybe she’d be more willing; she did enjoy putting Kar-zar in his place. But, she didn’t want to make Seb endure that.

“Kar-zar,” Zo said. “I have places to be, so if you could please move, that would be great.”

“We’ll see about that,” Kar-zar hissed. “It’s my job to stop illegal activity, Zola, and I’m sure whatever you’re up to isn’t _legal_.”

Zo snorted, “You’re doing a terrible job of that. Excuse us.” She stepped forward, dragging Seb with her, trying to side-step the oozing, curling tentacles. A mistake. Kar-zar’s milky eyes locked onto Seb.

“Who’s this?” Kar-zar asked. An eggplant colored tentacle reached toward Seb. Before the tentacle had moved a meter, before Seb had a chance to feel properly scared, Zo let go of Seb’s hand and there was a quiet _whoosh_ followed by _click-click_.

“Don’t touch him,” Zo said.

Seb knew next to nothing about hand-held weapons. He knew spaceship weapons because he had to, but nothing about hand-held ones. There was no reason for him to. However, he knew enough to know that the weapon in Zo’s hand was one of the most dangerous hand-helds out there. Getting a license to carry one was next to impossible and even if you did have a license, the restrictions were heavy.

Kar-zar blanched, his flesh turning white with deep red speckles. The milky eyes widened, rectangular pupils dilating. A nervous clicking and a low hiss. The alien’s natural armor could withstand most attacks, but Zo’s weapon was designed to take down the toughest creatures in the galaxy. And she was holding it two meters away from him. He recoiled but managed to find his voice.

“A Villrantra?” he said, referring to the weapon. Kar-zar regained his composure and a series of hissing clicks erupted from him. Laughter. “I hope you’re ready to spend an eternity in prison, little Zola.”

Zo wasn’t a fool. If she wanted to carry around one of the deadliest hand-held weapons in the galaxy, she was going to follow the rules. As soon as she was old enough, she began the process to register for the weapon. The age restriction varied based on species. For humans, the minimum age requirement was 25, unless you had documented proof that you travelled frequently and visited dangerous areas in which the weapon might be necessary. On top of that, you needed physical and mental health records from multiple doctors, as well as recommendation letters from high-ranking officials. And then of course, there was the training, testing, and paperwork that anyone trying to get the weapon had to go through. She got her Villrantra when she was 18, when she intended to travel to possibly dangerous planets without her father escorting her.

“It’s legal,” Zo retorted. She leaned closer to him, which Seb thought was both bold and stupid. Voice low, she said, “Even if it wasn’t, nobody would miss you, Kar-zar.”

The alien’s purple color was returning, but at those words his flesh turned a dark, sickly green with stains of bruised purple and blood-clot red. The color was so disgusting, Seb felt like gagging.

There was silence as Zo stood firm and Kar-zar considered his options. With an attempt to maintain some dignity, he pulled back and said, “Watch your back, Zola Hatanaka.”

Weapon still trained on Kar-zar, Zo grabbed Seb’s hand and pulled him after her. She didn’t look away from the alien until they turned off the street, at which point she disengaged the weapon, folded it up, and put it inside her jacket.

“Sebastian,” she said softly. Such a drastic change from the tone she’d used with Kar-zar. Eyes filled with concern, she reached out and touched her gloved hand to Seb’s mask.

“I’m okay,” Seb reassured her. “That was just an average Tuesday afternoon for me,” he joked.

Zo laughed, “Of course. I don’t know why I assumed any differently.”

Seb smiled. As they began walking, his expression turned serious. “Zo,” he said. “What in the ever-loving fuck was that?”

“Kar-zar?” she asked. Seb nodded and she breathed in, considering what to tell him. “He’s from a planet that’s not very well-known. It’s more of a moon that anything. Big enough to have an atmosphere but it’s pretty barren. I’m not sure it even has a name beyond a code. The planet is hot – like earth’s tropics – and mostly made up of caves, lava, and water.

“The planet only has microbes, bug-like creatures, and Kirkarzerzin, which is what Kar-zar is.”

“Are they all that ugly?” Seb asked. He glanced behind him, making sure the beast wasn’t behind them.

“Ye-es,” Zo said hesitantly. “I think he might be a little worse-off. Bymatur is the wrong climate for him; it’s too dry. That might make him look worse.”

“Why is he here?” Seb asked.

“I don’t know exactly,” Zo said. “From my, uh, research, he’s here because he was exiled. Not a whole lot is known about Kirkarzerzin because they hate outsiders. Apparently, they usually live in groups of three for life. But, some, like Kar-zar, get kicked out of their trios for whatever reason. I don’t think it happens very often. If they’re kicked out, they live on their own somewhere. And then there’s Kar-zar, who was terrible enough to be kicked off the planet. Which is especially impressive because the Kirkarzerzin don’t seem to have a government of any kind to make a decision like that.”

“Yeesh,” Seb said. “What did he do to get exiled?”

“Stories vary,” Zo said. “Some say he was a serial killer, others say he was a serial cannibal, and then there are some that say he stole organs to sell on the black market. That last one seems far-fetched to me.”

“Why would stealing organs not be in the realm of possibility if serial cannibalism and murder are?” Seb asked, bewildered.

“The planet doesn’t have enough contact with the galaxy to be involved in any sort of trade, especially not organs, which don’t last long and require specific conditions to say, er, fresh.”

Seb remembered the hunched over alien with the cooler. “Do places on Bymatur sell organs?”

Zo laughed, “Are you looking to buy some?”

“ _No_. I just wondered. I saw an alien coming out of that Cybernetic Parts shop with a cooler labeled ‘biohazard,’” he explained.

“Oh, yeah,” Zo said. “That’s a front.”

“Not a very inconspicuous front,” Seb said.

“No, nothing on this planet is. Illegal practices only get shut down if law enforcement has something against you,” she explained.

They were on another dimly lit backstreet when Zo stopped in front of a small shop. The store front was covered with sheets of metal. _Hoo’s Plants?_ was painted in lime green paint above the door. Zo shoved the door open and Seb followed her inside.

The shop was much larger than it appeared on the outside, deeper and wider. It was also more inviting than anything Seb had seen on the planet so far. The front of the store was dimmer than the rest without any lights of its own. Three tables with several scattered chairs were bunched to the left of the doorway. A few aliens glanced up as Seb and Zo walked in. A bookcase covered in a thin layer of red dust stood next to an artificial window. The view through the fake window was a nicer version of Bymatur. There was the same red dust, but the sky was a warm orange, like an earthen sunset, and scraggly weeds poked out of the ground. The sunlight was less harsh than the yellow streetlights.

A crescent shaped desk in the front of the shop was backed against a wall covered in bottles. A bar? That seemed out of place. Beyond the front of the shop, lights that mimicked sunlight bathed rows and rows of plants. Some plants were in the open, others were in controlled enclosures, others were in dark boxes, blocked from the artificial sunlight.

The room smelled like fresh dirt, tobacco, and something akin to jasmine. The nicest collection of smells they’d encountered on this planet. After a moment of hesitation, Seb did as Zo had, and took his mask and goggles off. More aromas hit him. Sweet, earthy smells.

“Zo!” said a whispering, creaking voice. Seb jumped when he realized the voice was coming from the plant on the bar.

The alien looked like an orangutan got stuck in the middle stage of transforming into a vine plant. Short, stout, with limbs much like an orangutan but instead of flesh or fur, the alien’s body was made of thick, flexible plant stalks. Ivy and vines wound around the pale green skin, clustering in places like the stomach and head. The alien moved slowly, like grass swaying in the wind.

Zo grinned and stepped toward the bar, where she bent and wrapped her arms around the plant-monkey. The alien returned the hug with a warm smile.

“You brought a friend,” the alien said, smiling at Seb.

“This is Sebastian,” Zo said, gesturing toward him.

“Seb is fine,” Seb said.

“Seb this is Hoo,” Zo said. “He’s my plant dealer.”

Hoo laughed, a sound like branches creaking in the wind. Seb was unsure of what to do. There were so many different ways of greeting alien species. Fortunately, Hoo resolved his dilemma, by sticking out his hand. Seb shook it; it felt like shaking hands with a bush.

A short, round creature waddled out from a row of plants. They looked like a mix between a pangolin, a mouse, and a bearded dragon. They were curled forward with armored plating on their back, hands clutched in front of their chest, like a pangolin. (Seb had seen pictures of pangolin, but they’d long been extinct). Their face was mouse shaped and covered in soft, brown fur. Their pink nose twitched, and the black eyes gazed at Seb curiously. Their arms and tail were rough like a bearded dragon’s.

“You remember my partner?” Hoo asked Zo. “This is Sqwee. Sqwee, this is Zola’s friend, Seb.”

The creature sniffed the air and then nodded at Seb. They squeaked at Zo, a greeting of sorts and scurried behind the bar, disappearing from view.

“They’re a little wary of strangers,” Hoo explained.

“I would be too, on this planet,” Seb said.

Hoo laughed that creaking laugh again. He turned his smile to Zo and said, “It’s a pleasure seeing you, Zo. It’s been a long time. What can I get for you?” Hoo swung himself off the bar, landing nimbly. He waddled away, toward the rows and rows of plants. Zo and Seb followed.

Seb looked around with wonder as Zo listed off her desired plants. There must be plants from all over the galaxy here. Many were green, but certainly not all. Vivid hues like nothing Seb had seen on Earth: vibrant purples, electric pinks, startling shades of bright blue. Then there were the darker shades: coal blacks, grays, colors Seb didn’t associate with life. Some of the plants moved like they had minds of their own, leaning toward the trio as they passed, or in the case of a fragile-looking white stalk, shrinking away.

The transaction went faster than Seb expected. He was standing alone in one of the aisles, staring at a large yellow flower shaped like a pitcher. It moved back and forth on a navy stem and the lip of the pitcher moved, like it was talking to him. Zo lightly touched his arm and he looked away from the weird plant.

Zo was holding a large box, which Seb assumed was filled with plants. The plant monkey was standing next to her, reaching slightly higher than her knee.

“Like that?” Hoo asked, pointing to the pitcher flower.

“Uh,” Seb said. “Um, it’s interesting. And weird.”

“The nihiscus,” Hoo said. “Comes from the planet Powjoja. The entire planet is -” he paused and considered for a moment, scratching the top of his head with his forefinger. Seb bit his lip so he didn’t laugh at how monkey-like the gesture was. “Ah, yes, it’s what you call rain forest. The nihiscus is a bit of a bully of a plant. Similar to Earth’s pitcher plants. It can eat bugs and small animals. It’s a bit livelier than your pitcher plants, though. They move and have a memory.”

“Whoa,” Seb said, leaning forward a bit to look at the plant. The pitcher nodded at him.

“Would you like one?” Hoo asked.

“Would I – ” Seb repeated with surprise. “That’s very kind of you but, um, I don’t really have the spare change to be buying plants.”

“No, no,” Hoo said. He pulled open a drawer beneath the plant’s enclosure and grabbed a packet of seeds. “No charge. Consider it a gift. Any friend of Zo’s is a friend of mine.”

“Oh,” Seb said. “Thank you, really, but it’s okay.”

“I insist,” Hoo said. He grabbed Seb’s hand and placed the packet against his palm. “Zo can help you grow it. She has quite the green thumb. But not quite as green as mine!” He laughed and held up his thumb, which was literally green.

“I taught him that phrase,” Zo said. “He thinks it’s hilarious.”

“Yes, yes,” Hoo said. “You humans say the funniest things. Now let me go find Sqwee so they can give you a ride back to your shuttle. Just a moment, just a moment please.”

Hoo waddled off, leaving Seb and Zo alone, surrounded by plants.

“He seems too nice for this planet,” Seb said.

“He is,” Zo agreed. “But he hates governmental regulations, so he sells his plants here.”

“Huh,” Seb said. He carefully put the packet of seeds in his jacket pocket. “Did he say Sqwee was giving us a ride?”

“Yeah,” Zo said. “I told Hoo about Kar-zar and he offered us a ride back.”

“Oh, great,” Seb said. “I wasn’t looking forward to walking around out there again.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” she said.

Sqwee came bustling down the aisle, their tail swishing behind them. They squeaked another greeting and kept bustling by, expecting Zo and Seb to follow. Sqwee’s shuttle was behind the shop, an old model, but still in good shape (if you ignored the layer of red dust). They ushered Zo and Seb into the shuttle and soon they were flying over Bymatur, away from the crime and decrepitness, back toward the safety of Seb’s shuttle.

The trip was an experience, that was sure, but Seb wasn’t sure he ever wanted to come again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know more about this universe, I have information on my blog: loganscanons.tumblr.com/tagged/zaylin-university


End file.
